Wasps LIke Zorbing Too

What is Zorbing you may ask. Well let me clarify, Zorbing is the act of climbing into a

giant transperant bouncy ballesque orb, and having someone roll that ball down a hill with

you in it. The activity began in New Zealand and has now spread to numerous places

around the world. There are two kinds of Zorb experience, Harnessed and unharnessed. If

you choose the harnessed option, you will be strapped into a harness inside the orb and you

will be spun upside down, around and around during your descent,both single and double

harness orbs exist, so you can even bring a friend on you bizarre adventure. The second

way to zorb, is the free zorb, where there is no harness, and up to three people can dive in

and be tossed about by the rolling motion, although the slight G force effect you feel does

inhibit movement once you get the ball rolling. This option often includes water, mainly to

make it easier to dive in and slide out of the sphere. This second option is the way I

experienced Zorbing on Queensland's Gold Coast.

I had seen the sport on tv, and ofcourse...it went onto the list. When a friend suggested that

she wanted to go Zorbing for her 21st birthday I was thrilled by the idea. I am told I was the

only one who had heard of it and the others she asked responded what is that?

So, off I went to Queensland for the first time, the furthest from home I had ever been, it

was a trip of ups and downs...quite literally. A white knuckle ride in something that I am

sure was a car in a previous life up a hill to be hosed down have buckets of cold water

thrown over me in preparation for diving into a giant plastic ball with a drag queen and his

brother, to be rolled down a hill at a suprising and immobilising speed. All in the name of

fun and the spirit of adventure. In order to be a true adventure, there had to be an added

challenge. Queensland delivered. The Sunshine state, as far as I can see should really be

called the everything is big and wants to bite you state.

During the hosing down and the emptying of buckets, a water wasp type of insect

(etymology is not on the list) had found its way into the Zorb ball. We are now hurtling

down a grassy hill inside a giant plastic ball and I am pinned down unable to move, I feel

an excruciating pain in my left arm, look down and there it is! The most horrible black

beetle -like wasp stinging me and there is absoloutely nothing I can do but watch in pain.

Taking some slight comfort in the fact I know once the ball stops, and I can move my other

arm, it's life is over. After what seemed like a lifetime, not only for me but also for my

accomplice who's nipple ring was being slowly torn out by an unmoveable toe, the ball

stopped. The wasp was swatted. The vein from the area I was stung began to swell and turn

red on it's way towards my heart. I made the reasonable request to be taken to a hospital or

medical practitioner, in true Queenslander style my cries of " I could die here!" I need a dr,

an anti venom! Something!" were met with the following response " Beer?" This went back

and forward for a while. Eventually I gave in. We went and had a beer. I didn't die, and

although being stung by a wasp, or having a body piercing slowly torn from its location

while rolling down a hill in a giant bouncy ball after being hosed off with a couple of

people I had just met isn't everyone's idea of a good time, it does make a good story.

Peace, Love and adventure hungry insects

Mortality Sucks!

I have returned, to post fresh drivel dear readers...it has indeed been some time since my last twisted tale. I begin this one with a warning, always a good place to begin. If you do not wish to know the plot of the film Marley and Me stop reading now.
Okay but don't say I didn't warn you.I watched a movie two nights ago, a romantic comedy, Jenifer Anisten, Owen Wilson and a golden labrador. Marley and Me. A movie about love, about family about a dog. A movie which one could be forgiven for expecting to leave a certain feel good factor in its shadow. A movie which has led me to the conclusion mortality sucks.
The basic story is, boy meets girl ( although they had already met at start of movie) they move across town. Boy and girl buy a house, boy realises girls next thought will be the pitter patter of tiny feet to fill big quiet house. Boy buys dog to avoid babies...typical boy. Neither boy nor girl have ever had a dog, learning curve in preparation for baby. Boy and girl raise dog. Do an interesting job of it. Decide dog is worst dog ever. Girl gets pregnant. boy and girl have three children. Boy and girl move across town again. By the time all this happens..dog gets old. Dog gets sick, vet fixes dog. Dog gets sick again. Dog is put down.For anyone who has ever had a pet, who has ever had a sick pet, who has ever had an animal 'put to sleep' this is an incredibly heart wrenching movie to watch.
We become so attached to our pets. Our furry friends. I watched this movie and realised, my cat will one day die. My dog, will die even sooner, he is over ten years old now. he has arthritis.I am getting older. My pets are getting older. Take the time to appreciate those you love, be them furred, winged, scaled or the less unconditional loving kind (human). Realise we are not invincible, that every second really does count.
In the words of my dear cousin...on his thirtieth birthday...Mortality Sucks!

Peace Love and Vet Bills

IDAHO day???

Today I had lunch with a friend of mine. A friend who happens to be a gay male. He mentioned that IDAHO day had just passed. I had no idea what he was talking about.Which brings me to my first point...
As it turns out it is a day to raise awareness about homophobia. I am sure I wasn't the only person who didn't get the memo. He tells me there were two information stands he knows of, one in Hindmarsh square, and 1 by a supermarket in Brighton. The participants had fliers. Well done to the organisers, I know that if I wanted to raise awareness that is exactly how I would do it. Martin Luther King had it all wrong. the way to do it is to get a small group of people with a flag and some fliers, in a low traffic area and only hand said fliers to those who approach you.
He also informed me the official suggested methods of celebrating the day, which I will remind you is about raising awareness, were as follows:
Have a same sex bath
Invite people over for tea
Hug a gay person and tell them its ok
Bake a rainbow cake
Wave a rainbow flag
I personally would find this laughable quite frankly if it wasn't so offensive. A rainbow cake. I ask you, what is that going to do? other than upset your afternoon tea guests stomachs from all the artificial colouring. Your friends who you have invited for an awareness raising tea party, if they are your friends and you are comfortable in having them at your home chances are they don't need to be made aware that its ok to be gay, and to hug someone and tell them that is patronising and rude.
Wave a flag, at who? I have some suggestions on where this could be done. How about just 100 people rally together and all wave a rainbow flag, ohh I don't know behind the sunrise window, or on the steps of parliment house, or at st peter's cathedral. No wait a minute that might generate some publicity and we couldn't have that. Adelaides Pride march is on a saturday afternoon to minimise the amount of people who see it.
I am not even going to comment on the bath, you can form your own opinions about that.
This is insanity! Is it because these organisations are too afraid of losing government funding to upset anyone. I am disgusted to hear that the suggested ways to celebrate include a rainbow cake and a bath. That is ludicrous. South Australia was ahead of the country in the beginnings of time, the first to give women the vote, we were a free colony. The land of opportunity and now this is the great human rights movement. Rainbow cake! Well thats just SA Great!

Surely I am not the only one who is offended by this draconian beige cardigan wearing, tea sipping, talkback radio listening, modern art bashing, right wing nutcases. Also known as Adelaide City Council, and the State Government as well as the Australian Liberal Party. Now by posting this am I liable to be charged with sedition? the same crime that Jesus Christ was tried for, I might add. The Australian Liberal Party moving Australia backward at the speed of light.

Peace, Love and Rainbow Cakes

Christmas Came and Went or Did It?

Well Ho ho ho or Ha ha ha to the PC among us. I begin this rant by saying I am not a person of religous persausion. Nor am I a disciple of the christmas spirit. How ever, I used to be. I used to love nothing more than to deck the halls and trim the tree, play Bing Crosby's Christmas hits from the 12th to the 26th of December. Roast Turkey with all the trimmings and a flambe pudding with brandy custard. I even participated in a community christmas parade for a number of years.

This year however Christmas seems to have skimmed past a lot of people. I know I am not the only who feels that Christmas was cancelled this year because...I am not ashamed to admit this to you my dear readers on the information super highway...I am an avid listener to talk back radio. Thats right and yes I read the opinion collumn in the paper first too.

The airwaves have been flooded with folk seeking a little of that old fashioned cheer. Remember the days when festivals were celebrated without fear of who may be offended? When Rundle mall had tinsel, baubels and trees. Not to mention those unhappy looking elves down the middle, mind you , you would probably not be smiling either if you had a pole shoved up your butt like they did. When the pianist in DJ's would play white christmas and Jingle bells and deck the halls, and that one about chestnuts on an open fire that very few people in adelaide realise is a christmas song because it so American. How many Chestnuts did you roast this christmas? exactly. The first time I had the brilliant idea to get chestnuts i didn't know you had to cook them. They aren't very nice raw take my word for it.

Anyway the point is, there are hardly any decorations up this year, there are no songs and schools aren't making the milk carton reindeers and stained glass cellophane candles we did. I must confess I didn't send cards this year and I didn't have pudding.

Has anyone considered the people who are offended by the total lack of christmas spirit around? I would like to see all the festivals represented by city wide decorations, Christmas, easter, orthodox easter, Kwonza, Chinese New year, MoonCake festival you name it. the city comes alive for fringe and the V8s Lets not make Adelaide more sterile than it already is.

Peace, Love and the end of Political Correctness

The Commercial TV Conspiracy

Hello disciples of the drivel I post. I have returned to the land of blog. Strap yourselves in, this will be an exciting ride.

I am sure I am not the only person that has noticed the fact that commercial television stations want us all to pay for cable or satelite. I remember the days when you would sit down to watch an entertaining program, with professional actors and writers that didn't assume you were an idiot! It would seem those days are long gone.

I as a general rule do not watch commercial tv. Not as a political staement, I just don't like to watch crap. I hate adverts and just don't watch them. I don't like reality TV, with the exception of shows like the abbey and is your house killing you? which actually have a point.

Commercial news readers appear to be illiterate, and unable to string a complete sentence together. They finish the news with images of surfing dogs or the nude olympics at maslins beach. That isn't news. If you want to actually see whats happening in the world, I suggest turning to SBS, or better yet the SBS News channel on free to air digital.

I remember the days of the sitcom, family matters and full house. The australian programs like the comedy company, fast forward (later to become full frontal) and the classic hey dad. I read in the paper the other week the highesr=t rating shows were australian programs, Kath and Kim being number 1 ( am I the only person who no longer watches it because now it is a 15min show due to the ridiculous amount of adverts?)

It seems to me that there are only three program choices on commercial tv and they're all crap. You can watch, a game show, an american crime show or a current affairs/border security cops type show. I put the last two in the same category because frankly I cant tell them apart.

If you have noticed that people are getting more and more stupid, here is your reason, they are watching this mind numbing crap all the time. People have no mental stimulation. Good for employers cos it gives them less to think about while they are working. All they think about is work, if they haven't already lost the ability to think all together.

So readers correct me if I am wrong, but I believe that Companies like Foxtel are paying the commercial stations to put crap on, so more people will subscribe to their service.

Peace, Love and the ABC

Fate, God and Science

Fatalism is often referred to as "the doctrine that all events are subject to fate or inevitable predetermination."

Christianity can be described as a monotheistic religion centered on the life and teachings of Jesus of Nazareth.

Science is a system of acquiring knowledge based on the scientific method, as well as the organized body of knowledge gained through such research.

Righto, now that is out of the way, I can make my point. I am using Christianity for the sake of this argument, but all religions can be applied here.

In life, we all form opinions, be they our own or someone else’s. Opinion is a very interesting subject; life after all is essentially a series of opinions. Our opinions make up our human conciousness. The funny thing is, the opinions of religious and scientific society often cross over substantially.

In the world of science, we have established that we are made of energy. Those magnificent men in their white coats have also told us that energy can be neither created nor destroyed. In the various faiths we have afterlife, reincarnation and ghosts. So need we be a rocket scientist to see the parallels here?

Time is continuous, space is continuous heaven, hell and eternity…spot the similarities anyone?

Now, there a number of theories to explain what I call fate. Mathematicians would refer to these occurrences as parallel synchronised randomness. Christians call it the will of god. Gamblers call it luck.

There are some things that are just meant to be. Events that will occur regardless of your actions, your ‘free will’ and your personal beliefs. You just won’t realise it.

I will give an example from my personal life. Almost seven years ago, I had a friend. We were best mates. Like Peas and Carrots as my man Forrest would say.

Now the universe isn’t perfect, that’s how we got George Bush. So every now and then, bad things happen. Or things we perceive to be bad anyway, sometimes there is a great reason, sometimes shit happens.

My friend and I had a falling out. Not a fight, not even an argument, just a parting. For six years, we continued on with our lives, in the one horse town of Adelaide, our paths crossing on only two reported occasions.

The first, I remember very clearly. I was on my own in Regent arcade, I spotted my friend, or former friend…and I did what everyone would have. I ran into a wig shop and hid. Brave I know, but at the time that was the best action to take. The ‘incident’ had happened only months before.

The second I think I remember but I can’t be certain. The human brain is an amazing thing. I had finished work; I was with a friend walking down Rundle Mall. I was sighted outside a major supermarket I won’t endorse, and I looked directly into my friend’s eye. Then continued my conversation and kept walking.

Was this the universe trying to throw us at each other? I think so. How many times did we cross paths with out realising? Probably thousands.

On the thirtieth of June last year, I was at a farewell bash, my bar was being closed, services were being removed and a lot of people were losing their jobs. Thanks Johnny.

I was in a bookstore. I was browsing bookmarks. I am told as I walked in to the store, my friend was walking out. She went and worked up some courage and approached me. I was shocked, didn’t recognise her, was in a state of disbelief. Then I was happy.

Only two weeks before I had told a friend I wanted to contact her and thought maybe I could write her a letter. We had coffee and chatted as though we had never been apart. It has been that way ever since.

It is because of this friend that I signed up for a MySpace account. Through MySpace I have been reunited with many a friend I thought were long lost, one in particular who I know will be a friend for life.

The point is this is a chain of events. A chain I could trace back further and link to more people and events. That is how fate works, how life works.

You may not believe this. You may believe it and call it something different. It really doesn’t matter. I have seen fate in action. It isn’t a perfect world. If something is meant to be it will be, eventually. I don’t think you can stop the Universal Forces that Be. Why try? Do you also try and stop Gravity?

Peace, Love and Destiny

Single People of the World Unite

Single People Around the World Need a Spokesperson. I am nominating myself.

Here are some of the reasons I am single;

I choose to be.

I will not settle for anything less than I deserve.

I am my own person and as my own person, I will not be told what I may do when, who I may
do it with and there is no way I will negotiate how I will spend my free time, or who I am
allowed to be friends with.

There are things I need to do on my own, for myself.

I haven't been swept off my feet recently nor am I likely to be in the forseeable future.

I don't believe in doing anything by halves, and at the moment I just don't have enough to give.

I have been in love. I know how it feels. I know how wonderful it is. I also know when I am not in love.

I like to know that at the tender age of 22, I can pick up and move to Vladivostock if I want to.

The person who inspired this blog...you know who you are, I hope you are as happy in your dysfunctional relationship, as I am in my entirely functional singledom.

To the well meaning happily coupled friends of single people. We know we are single, don't need to hear the statistics,have friends, families, careers and cats we are not alone.

To the single people who are reading this and have also read my blog about the leper colony and therefore don't approve of me as your spokesperson. Thats ok nominate someone else, I am lazy and run off on tangents anyway. There is probably someone much better for the job. However in the mean time I am taking a stand, because if you don't stand for something you will fall for anything.

Peace, Love and Dinner for One